rollerskates and reformation

North Country Lumber Jills post practice

Today was exquisite. Do you ever have those moments where you consciously recognize that in that moment, you're actually fully content? Today was an endless string of those. This morning I was able to attend my first indoor practice with the team.

For a solid four months, we practiced outside on asphalt. As fondly as I'll remember those sentimental times, I won't miss the scent of sewage in the air (the parking lot is conveniently located next to the water treatment plant) and the overwhelming spattering of bird shit everywhere, nor will I miss road rash. If I've lost any weight from roller derby, it's because I left a quarter pound of my flesh on the pavement. I still have a solid 2 inch scar on my shin that will not go away. In retrospect, I should have used anti-bacterial ointment more consistently but my leg quickly turned into a sticky dog-hair-and-lint-trap. I could knit a sweater with the debris on my leg.

But I digress. Today's practice was phenomenal. Skating indoors somehow makes the entire situation feel much more legitimate and real, and skating on those polished floors felt delicious (except during the initial half of practice when I had to master shortening my cross overs and wiped out multiple times.) We did a drill called the Boston Driver where the team works as a pack to block one asshole jammer who attempts to break through the using completely illegal tactics...elbows, locking wheels and kicking skates, pushing, shoving, shirt grabbing and everything in between. It was AWESOME. I love any drill that simulates an actual jam because the competition, the teamwork, the aggression; it's all intoxicating. I love working fluidly as a pack, communicating with each other and booty blocking. I love it because in the midst of it, I forget that I'm drenched in sweat, my back is cramped and my legs are shaking. And it gives me the tiniest sneak peak of what I'm working so hard to achieve. I cannot wait until our first bout. I always leave practice with my gear slung over my shoulder feeling so overwhelmingly proud and inspired (and smelly.)

I'm surprised by my good behavior these past few days. For the first time, this process of self-improvement and literal cleansing doesn't seem so daunting or negative but completely feasible and exciting. I don't feel powerless; maybe because for the first time I'm not motivated by self-loathing----I'm not doing this because I'm disgusted with myself. I'm doing this because I'm fucking empowered and inspired and I feel strong and capable for the first time in years.

After practice, I rushed over to Hawkins for a rehearsal of Emeritus: An Academic Comedy, this mind-blowingly hysterical and simultaneously touching play written by one of my favorite Professors, Dr. Anne Tracy. I took an Honors Seminar with Anne back in the Fall of my sophomore year called Writing the Coming of Age Novella and wrote this humorous but seriously disorganized and chaotic novella. During the semester, Anne got a pretty heavy dose of my sardonic and sometimes caustic sense of humor which unexpectedly led to her contacting me at the start of this summer, asking me to play one of the lead characters.

Now, my acting experience is fairly limited...limited to my roles as

1. The Barrister of Munchkin city. During this particular production, I had to wear an over sized purple robe with a mile high collar. During dress rehearsal, I told my counterpart, the coroner, that I "felt soooo gay." I was miked the entire time. The ARC was there.
2. A postulant in the Sound of Music. Yep. A nun.
3. A crippled kangaroo. I sprained my ankle the week of the performance and dragged my thousand pound paper mache costume around with one foot.
4. A prostitute when I was 12 years old. The man who had to awkwardly pretend to try to pick me up for the sexing was 40 years old...don't ask me how this happened.

So by default I was hesitant to accept the offer, but I was reassured that the performance would simply be a reading, NOT a performance, CERTAINLY no paper mache costumes or choreographed dance. I was comforted by the fact that my professor told me the character essentially IS me, a 'pierced and brash' character who is regarded as the funniest of the play by many. The ego stroke goes a long way.

The story surrounds a group of retired faculty members of a private college in Maine who spend their declining years in an assisted living facility called Goldengroves. The characters are hysterical (example: Thatcher, the retired Anthropology professor who flashes his colleagues regularly and ultimately does so with his penis covered in blackberry jam; or maybe Lilly, who is a retired biologist of the aquatic sort and fantasizes about foreplay with the Giant Squid...she also tries to put her dentures in her vagina.) How could I turn this opportunity down?

As if reading this script for the college community at large isn't intimidating enough, Anne recruited actual Plattsburgh State faculty members to play these retired Professors...including but not limited to; the director of the Honors Center, the Dean of Arts and Sciences, the college President's wife, several department chairs, our resident librarian and numerous distinguished faculty I've had courses with. To be completely surrounded by them made me sweaty for the second time today. I think I may have sweat more during the read through than I did during our endurance drills...and I sweat a lot.

But after we read through the entire script, several people went out of their way to compliment me. I left that room feeling flat out triumphant and so excited to be part of something so amazing, despite it being miles out of my comfort zone. I can't wait for the performance Friday.

My blogs are epic. And for that I'm sorry. All in all, a fantastic, successful, fucking beatific day.

BYE